Have I been accused of trying to be cool by running with sunglasses? Yes, but instead of admitting it, I said my head swelled during a long period of never taking them off, and I couldn’t get them off.

It’s only in the past few years that I’ve regularly worn sunglasses. I just didn’t think to buy them even though there were occasions I could’ve used a pair.

Now that I wear them regularly, I’ve found that sunglasses and I have extremely short relationships. My longest one lasted almost two years, which is a record by far. Most of them last only a few weeks. My current relationship is the fourth I’ve had this year. I’m not about to hook-up with an attractive, head-turning pair that’ll cost me lots of money. I’d likely walk out of a restaurant, leaving them on the table.

The only problem I have running in sunglasses is the eye pad, the part that rests on the bridge of your nose, sometimes gets slippery when I start perspiring, and they begin to bounce. I find myself adjusting them frequently to prevent it.

As well, when I’m doing a running club run, I’m more likely to leave them behind after the post-run get-together. I lost two pair in quick succession this summer.

However, my newest pair look so good, and I feel so cool running in them, my head really swelled again, and I can’t get them off. Even though this is a little inconvenient when sleeping and showering, the tradeoff is that I’m not losing sunglasses anymore, and I look cool all the time.

I don’t look forward when they go out of style though. I’ve been told that surgery is the only way to have them removed.

I smugly claimed in a past post that I rarely fall down while running, even in icy conditions. But last month, I took a spill and gave myself a bright and colorful scrape.

I was on a trail with Diana Crabtree during a Manito Runners Club run, and as she was telling me about the scar on her knee, suffered in a fall on the trails we were on, I tripped. That the same experience would suddenly happen as it was being explained to me was quite a coincidence.

When I got home I poured hydrogen peroxide over my wound. Over the next couple weeks it provided a surprising benefit. As with previous scrapes, I was tempted to pick. Oddly, I also find it interesting to give my picked scabs a thorough look-over. I gave in to temptation and picked away, then I took things up a notch.

Scab-picking provides entertainment when not much is going on and you’re bored. I really liked peeling off a large, unbroken piece, and getting a treat out of it was a fringe benefit.

As I ate the scabs, I was delighted by the pleasant hints of hydrogen peroxide. I didn’t know an external-use-only medication could impart such flavor.

The scab has nearly healed, and I’m facing an end to my self-produced snacks. I’m considering getting more by falling intentionally on rough terrain and creating another large scab.

Perhaps you think it’s strange I eat scabs. I do, too. What I’m really eating is pictured below.

Next time you eat beef jerky, I apologize if this post causes you to associate it with scab-eating.

Last week the Flying Irish did its annual group photo portrait in Riverfront Park. Even though a lot of people were going to be in the photo, I wanted to make myself stand out with a perfect pose in the perfect spot. So, a few days beforehand, I went to the site of the photo shoot and scoped things out.

The Flying Irish group photo site at Riverfront Park.

Since being in the right spot is paramount, I analyzed the scene and divided it into quadrants to evaluate for optimal positioning.

Distance from camera is also a crucial factor. Most people may think being in the front row is the best place. Not necessarily so! I used a tape measure to arrive at the ideal camera-to-subject distance. I found out the best place to stand would be toward the back of the group.

Afterward, I spent a few hours practicing a variety of poses, each conveying one of my many different moods and attributes. Below are the ones that made the final cut. I spent the evening before the shoot evaluating them before making my final choice.

Happy, friendly and jolly – that’s me.

I’m one tough running hombre.

I’m having a great time.

I salute runners everywhere.

Hi! How are you? Let’s play.

I’m a proud soldier of the Flying Irish Army.

Below is the 2015 official Flying Irish group portrait. It turned out great, and I think I look just dandy.

I’m in the middle back. Email this to a movie theatre and have them project it onto the screen to see me.

A fellow member of the Flying Irish, Speed Fitzhugh, recently described the long run he did. He’s not training for a marathon or any race in particular, and he’s not a high-mileage runner during the week, but he enjoys a long, easy run on the weekend that’s 20-30 miles long.

He once invited me to join him on a 30-miler. Unfortunately, I don’t have the stamina and durability to run that far, even at a slow pace without feeling wiped out for a couple days, or getting injured, or both.

But I like the concept of running purely for pleasure with no thought of maintaining a sustained brisk pace or preparing for a race.

I used to live in Ventura, California, and on Saturday mornings I’d run down to the pier near my apartment and get on a trail that ran north along the shore. It was only two miles out and two miles back, but the turnaround point overlooked a popular surfing area, and I sat on a rock and watched the surfers. Sometimes I spent more time sitting on the rock than I did running.

(source: kidcyber.com.au)

In Spokane, there was a basalt outcropping that used to overlook downtown until it was developed into an office building. It was the turnaround point for a five-miler that also involved sitting on a rock. The tall buildings, with windows lit in the early evening, the passenger jets flying over on their final approach to the airport, and the dull roar from the bustle of an urban environment made a great scene depicting the excitement of city living.

Many times while traveling or visiting out-of-town friends or relatives, I’ve enjoyed running just to explore. Sometimes these turn into long runs because I’ll come to a neat area or road, and I want to explore more instead of turning back.

Maybe, my fellow runners, it’s the same for you – sometimes the highlight of my day is the run I did.

When you go to the nutrition/energy bar section at the store, which brand and flavor do you reach for?

I’ve tried many brands, but I buy Clif bars most often. I support the company’s ethos as well. Chocolate brownie is my favorite flavor. No surprise for someone who likes chocolate.

I know you’re supposed to use energy bars in conjunction with a workout or training, but I sometimes buy them as a snack or treat. They’ve become a substitute for candy bars.

I used to buy Luna bars a lot, and I was very worried that I’d be stopped at the check stand or told to take my business elsewhere.

However, not once was I caught, and I often gave myself a fist pump after walking out because I’d gotten away with something. As you can see in the below photo, the phrase under LemonZest tells you what I got away with.

On a few occasions when I know I’m going to be in the company of someone I don’t care for, like Sprint McDowell, I choose the berry-flavored Power Bar. Because of its color, it looks like a giant tongue after being properly shaped, and it’s easy to show displeasure.

After today, my post schedule will change. Instead of once a week, I’m going to do them intermittently, without sticking to a schedule.

As I’ve done before, I will offer refunds if you feel you’re being short-changed. Mail your request to me, and if I receive it within 10 days, I will double your refund!

So…okay…here’s the deal; I’m looking for someone to run with. It’s not race related or intense training. Just everyday running for exercise. You, my fine reader, might be just the person.

However, there’s one big issue I have to bring up. If we’re about to head out and you say, “I think I”d rather walk today,” we’re gonna have problems. When it’s time to run, we must run.

I have an equal opportunity running partner policy. I will not discriminate against any applicant based on gender, race, religion and all those other things except one. If you happen to look like Petra, or are Petra, you’re hired on the spot.

My running partner must be able to run three to eight miles a few times per week. You should run at the same pace as me, but if you pull ahead for a short time, that’s okay. If you get way ahead of me, I get really mad, and I won’t talk to you the rest of the day.

Now, about myself: I’m an excellent running partner. I’ve won many awards for being a nice guy and an unbelievably thoughtful individual. I’m very good at staying on the right side of the street, and I have an uncanny ability to see cars coming.

Also, I’m really friendly. Just look at me smiling. It’s not a fake smile either.

Please take a moment to fill out the four-question application below. Perhaps you and I will soon be running together through the streets of Spokane.

1)  Do you like running?     A___     B___     C___     D___

2)  Are you a girl or a boy?     Yes___     No___

3)  Do you enjoy conversation?  I think so___  Yes, if available___  I talk nonstop___

4)  I’m scared of dogs. If one chases us, will you take care of the situation and comfort me afterward?

A fellow member of several Spokane running clubs told me recently that distance running has a unique camaraderie compared to other sports.

Rich Goggin ran track years ago as a high school student, but he also played football well enough to be courted by college football coaches.

Rich Goggin, a member of several Spokane running clubs.

He says there isn’t the level of camaraderie among football players like there is among distance runners.

I never played high school football, so I can’t confirm this, but I feel distance runners do have a unique camaraderie. Maybe it’s just the nature of running to feel a comradeship with other runners. Also, perhaps since distance running is less popular and visible compared to the major sports, coaches have less pressure to produce. Could be this lower intensity, combined with the downtime at practices and meets, allows quirkiness and off-beat humor to be expressed more easily.

Though I could give a bunch of examples of camaraderie-building goofiness, I’ll detail just one.

In high school, the track and field distance team was on a run, and we came across a pack of cigarettes laying in the street. I suggested we pick them up and smoke them in the locker room, because I thought it’d be so funny if coach discovered the distance runners had taken up smoking.

The rest of the track team had finished their workouts and gone home. We knew coach had a meeting and would come back later to lock up, so we lit up and filled the locker room with a thick haze of blue smoke. We dropped the butts on the floor, grinded them out and left them there.

Our coach had a sense of humor, and we had a great rapport with him. However, he didn’t say anything to us the next day. It had me thinking it was such a minor thing, he’d already forgotten about it, so I inquired what he thought about the distance runners’ new habit.

Of course, he didn’t believe we’d taken up smoking, but he complained about having to clean up the locker room.

If you had enough money and didn’t have to work, what kind of lifestyle would you have? I’d live in the country and be a redneck.

Below is an example of my dream home. I’ve learned such homes are constructed in a way that I don’t have to go outside to enjoy the chirping of songbirds or a refreshing breeze.

Another big advantage is parking. I anticipate no problem squeezing in my many rigs.

Running along a quiet country road is what runners dream about. I’d get to do it every single day.

A big plus about the redneck lifestyle is the sense of community. Whenever I organize a barbecue, I’m sure I could count on my pal, Hank, to bring some extra seating.

Drinking beer around a bonfire with my fellow redneck runners would be so fun. Nearly every redneck home comes with plenty of bonfire fuel just outside the door, by the shop.

You don’t need trash cans at get-togethers. When you’re done with your beer, just toss and open another.

Come morning, cleanup is easy. Just rake, and it becomes a shiny pile of landscape art.

Another thing about redneck living is nature is just outside the door. They have trees and animals. Any time I want, I can go down by the river, drink beer and admire the beauty of nature.

The woods behind my house would surely be a great place to shoot varmints for fine, redneck eating. Oh, do I look forward to my dream lifestyle.