If you had enough money and didn’t have to work, what kind of lifestyle would you have? I’d live in the country and be a redneck.

Below is an example of my dream home. I’ve learned such homes are constructed in a way that I don’t have to go outside to enjoy the chirping of songbirds or a refreshing breeze.

Another big advantage is parking. I anticipate no problem squeezing in my many rigs.

Running along a quiet country road is what runners dream about. I’d get to do it every single day.

A big plus about the redneck lifestyle is the sense of community. Whenever I organize a barbecue, I’m sure I could count on my pal, Hank, to bring some extra seating.

Drinking beer around a bonfire with my fellow redneck runners would be so fun. Nearly every redneck home comes with plenty of bonfire fuel just outside the door, by the shop.

You don’t need trash cans at get-togethers. When you’re done with your beer, just toss and open another.

Come morning, cleanup is easy. Just rake, and it becomes a shiny pile of landscape art.

Another thing about redneck living is nature is just outside the door. They have trees and animals. Any time I want, I can go down by the river, drink beer and admire the beauty of nature.

The woods behind my house would surely be a great place to shoot varmints for fine, redneck eating. Oh, do I look forward to my dream lifestyle.

Sprint McDowell wants to do a blog post in which he interviews me, and I told him no way. He threatened to do an unauthorized interview. I don’t know how that works, but to make sure I’m accurately portrayed, I agreed.

You may remember Sprint from the previous post, Running Lingo Quiz. He hosts the on-line, real-time, cyber game show Race to Win.

Sprint will be asking his on-line questions from his studio in Los Angeles, and I’ll reply from my home here in Spokane. Screen shots are added as the interview progresses.

Jim: “Sprint, I want a clean, friendly interview. No twisting of facts or manufactured controversies.”

Sprint: “Listen, I dictate the terms. Those evasive, roundabout, circular replies that you’re famous for – forget it.”

Jim: “Sure, Sprint. Sorry.”

Sprint: “Why are you so dumb?”

Jim: “I’m not dumb.”

Sprint: “Wrong! Didn’t you post a couple inappropriate photos on this blog that revealed too much?

Jim: “I’ve done many posts and photos, so I’ll have to form a committee to look into that.”

Sprint: “This blog is a one-man operation, Jim. Answer the question!”

Jim: “Yes, but I wish I had a collaborator. Two heads can be better than one.”

Sprint: “What did I say about evasive answers?”

Jim: “Something about roundabouts and circular saws?”

Sprint: “I see I’m not getting anywhere with this, you foolish man. Next, a simple question for a simple mind. Who takes your photos?”

Jim: “Almost always me.”

Sprint: “How can you take photos while being in them?”

Jim: “I use the timer on my camera. Sometimes I have to take a lot of shots, especially on action photos to get a usable one.”

Sprint: “Look at me, not at the ceiling, Jim. Who plays Ruby Redpepper, and is the picture below photoshopped?”Jim: “My daughter Tricia is Ruby Redpepper. She really did get on that plane. I ask her to be in photos or take photos for blog ideas whenever she visits.”

Sprint: “Does she really own Animal Fulfillment Specialists and hired you to assist her on an outing involving just you two and President Obama?”

Jim: “No, but she’s program director for the President’s Export Council at the Department of Commerce in DC. That’s what made the photos possible. Take a look at this one she once posted on Facebook. I thought her comment, “Creepin’ on the Prez”, was funny.

Sprint: ” Enough, Jim. Do not use my interview to boast about your daughter!”

Jim: “Listen to me, Sprint. My daughter is the second-most wonderful, special and incredibly talented person in the entire world.”

Sprint: “I’ve had enough. This interview is over. Hold on…your daughter is second in the world? Who’s first? Wait…don’t answer that! Jim, do not post that photo!”

Jim: Me!

When you run in a new place or setting, does the novelty add some spark to your running like it does for me?

We’ve had a stretch of warm, sunny weather in Spokane, so I made plans to drive to a new place where I’d never been.

Driving north from Spokane, you see fewer signs of civilization. It’s not long before the road ends. I parked and after a couple miles of running on a trail, it ended too. I was in uncharted territory.

It doesn’t take that long to reach this large, unexplored area, and using a map is no help. They all have a big blank area with the phrase, ‘Yet to be explored or mapped.’

It’s neat having unexplored frontier so close to town. Some people say a remnant population of dinosaurs exist, but I consider it a bunch of hootenanny.

I hadn’t run long before I started hearing an occasional loud roar in the distance. I was startled by a huge, airplane-size, flying creature that crossed my path.

A couple times the sound of a predator and prey engaged in a vicious fight echoed through the valley. Hmmm…….maybe there’s more to this area than I thought.

Twice I came to piles of excrement that were as tall as me. The animal that did it must be huge. Then I came to an unsettling scene. It appeared a solitary hiker had been devoured, and parts of limbs lay scattered about.

Disturbing as it was, I pushed on because I wanted to get in more mileage.

I came to a clearing and I startled a large animal feeding on carrion. It looked like a saber-tooth tiger, an extinct animal. It sprinted to me and attacked.

I desperately fought back with all I had, and for some reason, the creature broke off the attack and ran away.

I was unscathed except one of my fingers really hurt. It wasn’t hard to tell why. The creature had bitten it off.

Lucky for me, I found the bloody, missing digit on the ground. I grabbed it and ran at a really fast pace back to my car. I put my finger in a small box I had in the trunk, hoping doctors could reattach it.

Arriving home, I was too stressed-out to attend to my injury. I put my finger in the frig, fixed a bowl of my favorite comfort food and watched Seinfeld re-runs. 

My visit to the hospital will have to wait until tomorrow.

Last Thursday I checked out this running group I’d heard about. Someone told me it was their first run of the season.

So I get there, and parking’s a hassle. I had to park so far away that I got in major mileage just running from my car to the meeting spot.

Hassle number two – the room is so packed I had to shove, push and throw people aside to get in. It’s a big banquet room, and there are more than 500 people inside.

This is not a running group. It’s aerobic overpopulation.

So, some people get on the stage, and I guess it’s the group’s board and this dude starts talking, and check out the coat he’s wearing. What’s the deal with that? What is our world coming to?

I do the run, and it’s three miles which is okay, but the post-run party – boy are there issues. Look at the line for beer. I expect a short wait at most, not an overnight stay. I paid a guy $10 to be a line placeholder and went for some free cake.

It was pretty nice chowing down cake while checking out the tall lovely standing nearby with her hands on her hips.

My eyes couldn’t get enough, and before I knew it, I’d downed more than a dozen pieces while staring at her.

So here’s another issue – the dude with the crazy coat comes over and gives me the crook eye as if I alone am putting the group’s cake budget into the red.

He hangs around monitoring me, so I decide to check the status of my beer order.

The guy I paid is nowhere to be found. Eventually I find out he got through the line in about two minutes because the servers are really fast, and my beer’s been sitting on a table for over half an hour. This brings me to the next issue.

I take a drink, and it’s warm. How can any respectable business get away with serving warm beer? This running group sucks!

Things eventually got better. I met the DJ, who’s a member of the club, and a pleasant guy to talk to.

He’s the only DJ I know who joins the crowd on the dance floor and grooves to his own music.

In an adjacent room I chatted with this friendly group. I whined and complained about their running club, but they laughed and told me to stop joking around.

I met a couple attractive women who were attending their first run. With club members like this, I’m very motivated to attend future runs.I think with this group I’ve found my ultimate dream come true – flirting with pretty women while gobbling down free cake.

Finally, I admit that I’m not really a first timer. I’ve been going to Flying Irish runs for several years, and I joke when I say the group sucks. It’s a great social event, and I’ve become friends with a lot of wonderful people. I look forward to Thursday evenings.

And because I’m such a super member, in my own mind, I celebrate by attending runs wearing a cape.

What country’s runners have set the most world records in the marathon? The top two have nineteen and eighteen, respectively. The third place country has eight. If you can guess these three countries, you are a true student of marathoning.

I did the two-hour drive to Washington State University in Pullman and got a day pass to the Library of Academic and Scholarly Research. I wanted the most reliable and accurate sources for compiling my list.

Near the end of several hours of researching, I asked a librarian a question. Learning what I was doing, she told me using a computer at home could have given me all the info I needed.

Many times I’ve presented myself awards for outstanding achievement. However, this move was noteworthy for the opposite reason. Since I recognize and promote myself when I do something well, it’s only fair I do the same when I’m not outstanding. I put on a dunce cap and restricted myself to the corner for one hour.

Okay, now the results. Nine countries had a runner set a world record once, so for brevity, I list only countries with multiple world record performances.

*             Men                                      Women                              Combined

• United Kingdom – 12          United States – 12                 United States – 19
• Japan – 7                            Norway – 6                            United Kingdom – 18
• United States – 7                United Kingdom – 6               Japan – 8
• Ethiopia – 5                         West Germany – 5                 Kenya – 7
• Kenya – 4                            France – 3                             Norway – 6
• Australia – 3                        Kenya – 3                               Ethiopia – 5
• Sweden – 2                                  *                                    France – 3

You may wonder why African countries aren’t in the top three since the last six men’s world records have been set by either a Kenyan or Ethiopian runner. This is because their successes occurred in recent years whereas the U.S. and British runners set many of their records in the early days of marathoning.

If you’d like to check out the details, you can read about the marathon world record progression on Wikipedia. As well, an excellent infographic can be found at Runrepeat.com.