Usually I don’t include tree-climbing in my workouts. However, yesterday, I was wearing my lightest, nylon cape and running along at a pretty good clip when a big gust of wind hit. My cape blew into a tree. It was just out of reach, so I had to climb the tree.

As I was wondering if the branch I needed to walk on was strong enough to hold me, I saw Petra running. As she passed by, I said in my best computer-generated voice, “Speed limit 25. Slow down immediately.”

She stopped and looked around. It took her a couple seconds to spot me in the tree. “What are you doing?” she laughed, coming over.

I explained the situation, and asked if she knew of a reputable cape retrieval company. She said she didn’t, but knew of an ambulance service that responds quickly to tree-climbing accidents.

I got my cape and climbed down.

“You know what’s weird,” Petra said. “You’re the third person I’ve seen in a tree during my run today.”

“The first two must have been kids,” I said.

“No, they were adults. But they weren’t trying to get something like you.”

“That is odd,” I replied.

“Well, have fun on the rest of your run, Jim. Hope that cape stays on,” Petra said.

“Thanks, me too.” I put my hand out and we shook. Our grasp lasted longer than a normal handshake. Then my hand slid slowly past hers until we did a fingertip grasp until finally parting. Her Wonderfulness began running and I just stood there watching. Halfway down the block, she glanced back. I didn’t even care that she caught me staring hypnotically. I gave her a wave.

I am so moved by her. To be at her side would be the greatest thing to happen to me.

Those really white legs shielded from sun since last year, which are now causing eye damage, were out in profusion last night at my running club’s 4.4-miler. A couple guys let me snap a photo of their legs, but their case is pretty mild compared to others. But it was white legs that got me realizing I’ve undergone a transformation.

It has been gradual and slow, but I’ve become around 50-55% female.

Besides sucking the color out of skin, winter sucks the moisture too. I used to never hydrate my skin, but now after showering, I do my legs, face and elbows without fail, in winter and summer. When I was married, I gently chided my wife about all the bottles of creams and lotions she had. Now I’m the one with a cupboard full of stuff.

My hair used to be so oily, I could wring it over a pan and use the oil for frying. Now my hair’s so dry, I have to use conditioner. and styling gel. I spend so much time in the bathroom that by definition, I’ve become a woman.

At least I long ago gave up one thing that most guys used back in the day – the blow-dryer.

My friend, I.P. Aard, who works at the National Institute of Running Sciences, was at a conference in Seattle last weekend. She rearranged her return flight to spend a night in Spokane. It always makes me feel good when women go out of their way to spend time with me.

I never met I.P. in person, but we’ve talked on the phone a lot, and I’ve watched videos of her presenting at seminars. She’s considered a top expert in her field even though she’s only 33. At the same time, she is very familiar with my work. She told me she was in the audience at a two-hour seminar I gave a year ago to a packed house in Denver demonstrating techniques to avoid getting hit by bird poop while running.

We went for a run in the morning with a few friends of mine, and I snapped a picture of her, at right, after our run. I spent the rest of the day showing her around Spokane. In the evening, we hung out at my place, watching the new romantic video, “I’ll Meet You at the Beach for an Interval Workout.”

“So, I.P., why do you go by your initials instead of first name?” I asked as we shared a Popsicle when the video was over.

“I just don’t like Isabella that much. It’s too long. Plus, when I discovered I.P. Aard is so similar to “I PR’ed”, I thought, perfect, I’m going with that.”

“I’ve always wondered what’s going on with people’s names at the Institute,” I said. “Last week I was talking to Ayer, and he swears that’s his real name.”

“Ayer O’Beck? It is. Why would you doubt it?”

“Come on, I.P. Ayer O’Beck? Aerobic?”

“You’re right,” I.P. said, glancing thoughtfully at the ceiling. “I never thought of that.”

I.P. took the Popsicle from me and ate the last bit. “So, where am I sleeping tonight?”

“I have a spare bedroom across the hall from mine.”

I.P. sat back and folded her arms. “Spare bedroom…hmmmm…is that my only option?”

Last Thursday was the first day this year warm enough to wear a short sleeve shirt to the Flying Irish run. The largest social running group in the United States, with thousands of members, several hundred show up every Thursday at 6:00 for a 3 to 4 mile run.

Members above are enjoying a beer and socializing. but it wasn’t always like this. When the Flying Irish first formed, it was decided the post-run activity should be a philanthropic one that helped others and the community. This led to some late nights, demanding workloads, and stress. Below is a history of the Flying Irish’s activities:

• Mar. 2006 to Aug. 2008 – Members repaired, washed, and ironed donated running shirts, running pants and other clothing to be distributed to needy runners.
• Sept. 2008 to Sept. 2010- Sick and tired of working on laundry so many hours a week, the Flying Irish worked on a routine involving marching in formation, twirling flags, and doing synchronized leaps and spins to perform at events.
• Sept. 2010 to Oct. 2010- Long nights of practices wore everyone out. A less demanding enterprise that provided two services was started. However, the homework help center for elementary students and an infectious disease quarantine unit, housed in the same building was a short-lived fiasco.
• Oct. 2010 – Fed up members said, “Let’s just do something fun.” The change to post-run beer drinking and socializing led to increased enjoyment.

As I’ve mentioned, I discovered the woman I’m so enthralled by, Her Wonderfulness, Petra, has a boyfriend. I’m glad my female friend at the National Institute of Running Sciences, I.P. Aard, is flying in for a visit. I’ve been hoping she’ll help me out of my funk.

At the Manito Runners Club on Saturday, Petra showed up for the third week in a row. I talked very little to her, but as usual, she was extremely popular with the other guys.

After the post-run coffee, I went to the counter to return my cup and glanced back just as Petra exited. She looked back and in the meeting of our eyes, there was instant mutual happiness and interest. I’ve never had such an emotional impact with a simple exchange of glances. While driving home, I was amazed at the sudden turn in my mood. I was so happy.

The best route to improving your running and making it more enjoyable is to run alone, says an article I recently read. I question this strategy, so I called my good friend, I.P. Aard, at the National Institute of Running Sciences. I always enjoy calling I.P. because she’s so friendly.

“Hey, sugar loaf,” she said. “Putting lots of miles on that six-foot tower of muscle?”

I’m six feet tall, but I’m more a tower of bone and skin than muscle. I told her about the article and asked about any research the Institute has done on the topic.

“We’ve done plenty, oh caped wonder.” She told me running alone has theraputic benefits like the need for time alone, especially if it’s spent outdoors. In addition, there are convenience factors – running at your own pace, own route, and according to the whims of your schedule.

“I agree, sweet pea,” I replied. “But I ran track and cross-country, and I liked running with my teammates.”

“It’s a different story if you’re a competitive runner. Workouts with others who are close to your ability are very beneficial. But, of course, getting the benefits of running alone doesn’t mean you have to do it 100% of the time. And there are people who’re very social and group oriented – they would not thrive on a steady diet of solo running.”

“You know, buttercup,” I said, “You mentioned that you might make it out here at the end of summer. Is that plan still on?”

“Oh, listen to me, PR machine, I have a conference in Seattle next weekend. I was thinking of making a stopover in Spokane.”

“I’m clearing my schedule now,” I replied. “I hope when going out, you prefer the social benefit instead of going solo.”

“I really like the company of caped runners. They’re so…suuuper.”

I like I.P. Aard. She is my kind of woman.

It wouldn’t be pleasant if you found yourself being chased through the streets by the police. Unfortunately, I can see this happening to myself. My friends, glancing out the window, surely would think, “Gosh, what did Jim do?”

I read a blog post in Running is Funny about races across the country that have a cops chasing criminals theme, including one next weekend in Debary, Florida called the Jail Break 5K. Officers from law enforcement agencies start the race two minutes after the rest of the field. Their goal is to catch up to as many runners as possible, who are encouraged to dress as prisoners. The agency catching up with the most earns extra donations that go to charity.

When I read this, I thought it was a pretty neat idea. However some issues have since come to mind.

First, real prisoners are always looking to get out of jail. But one of the biggest drawbacks is how not to look like a prisoner running away from a jailbreak. A community doing a jailbreak fun run provides perfect cover.

Second, law enforcement loves events like this. They come in droves because it’s a stress-relief, let’s have a little fun, we love to play around while raising money for our favorite charity kind of thing. But when guards at the jail tell the custodian to keep an eye on things while they’re “out for a while,” you know the prisoners take notice.

When the prisoners make their break, sprinting out of jail en masse, passers-by, who believe they’ve come across the race course inadvertently, cheer them on. A few texts, tweets, and Facebook posts later, the streets are lined with spectators rooting for them. Meanwhile, as the real race starts, the participants are saddened by the apparent lack of interest and are unmotivated to run hard because no one’s there to cheer them on.

Petra has been on my mind so much that it’s difficult to focus. Even though I run often, I’ve had to add long daily walks to help alleviate my restlessness. I am constantly thinking about her and sometimes I become very sad because I am not with her.

So, hopefully the following post will be of interest to you, and at the same time, keep my mind off the wonderful Petra.

Plenty of runners have jumped onto the minimalist footwear trend that has been popularized by the book Born to Run, by Chris McDougall. He was in town recently and a bunch of my running group friends attended a reading he gave.

This issue has plenty of pros and cons, so I contacted the National Institute of Running Sciences, and spoke to an acquaintance, Dr. Ayer O’Beck, Chief of Running Research. I tried to pin him down on whether it’s a good thing or not, but he wouldn’t give a definitive answer. Our conversation went in circles as I tried to get him to tell me his position. This is what he said when I really pressed him:

“It’s hard to say if it’s better or worse than running in traditional thick-soled shoes. A lot depends on individual preference and the body’s response to minimalist footwear.”

I emailed him a photo of my friend, Javier Pita, pictured with the author, and asked if he should wear foot gloves. Dr. O’Beck asked about Javier’s running background. When I told him, adding that he’s a 2:49 marathoner, Dr. O’Beck said he’d do very well in minimalist footwear.

“How about if you’re out running,” I began, “and you see this fabulously beautiful woman and after trying and trying, you finally meet her. Eventually you get to know her, but then it turns out she has a boyfriend. Will wearing minimalist footwear help out?”

“You know, Jim, we have an Office of Running Psychology here. They may be able to help. They’re supportive. They listen. They know what you’re going through. Shall I transfer your call?”

“Thanks, Ayer, but I want to focus on the purpose of my call, which is Petra…I mean minimalist footwear. So…in this day and age of running groups and entering marathons and half-marathons, and doing hill workouts and trying to increase your mileage, do you think it’s best to not look at women runners, I mean,..not talk to them? Is it better to always run alone, deep in the woods so you don’t cross paths with anyone?”

“Jim, seriously, the people in the Office of Running Psychology are good. I’m going to connect you right now.”

“Thanks, Ayer. Appreciate it.”