Runners using supplements with horse DNA was a topic I previously covered more than two years ago in Genetically Modified Runners.

I’m an over-the-hill runner doing a small-time, non-income producing blog with no prospects of hitting it big in the world of running. If I could find a way to make it undetectable, I’d have a one-of-a-kind supplement so effective that demand would be off the charts, and I could make lots of money.

Long story short, using chemistry I learned in college, and with the assistance of an accomplished research chemist, I struck gold.

It didn’t take long for runners to start showing up at my door. At first it was top area runners and then national stars. Within weeks, Olympic hopefuls from around the world were booking flights to Spokane, Washington. I became a very, very busy “running consultant”.

It was heady, heady times for me. Rubbing shoulders with the world’s running elites, invitations to overseas meets to watch races from the VIP room, shaking hands with Olympic champions past and present. I was a MAJOR somebody!

I had the world in my hand, but I wanted more. A European runner training for the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, who’d made several large purchases, asked if I’d consider giving him a volume discount.

I flew into a rage. I screamed he’d be a nobody without my supplement. I told him his price just doubled, and I meant it.

Big mistake. My shouting was overheard, and later the runner was questioned by his country’s track and field governing body. He spilled the beans – all of them.

Word spread, and my business has dried up. I was subpoenaed, and despite my denials of wrongdoing, I was told stonewalling will only delay the inevitable.

Yesterday, I found out a grand jury investigation is nearly done, and an indictment is at hand. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m going to be spending a lot of time in a very tiny room with a concrete floor.

I’ve never been arrested, and when they come for me, I don’t want to come across as a klutzy oaf. I know it seems silly, but it’s likely to be a news event, and I want to look good.

I’ve been practicing putting my hands behind my back. My first tries felt so awkward. I knew I wasn’t doing it right.

After a lot of practice, I think I finally have it down.

When they put me into the car, I don’t want look awkward or hit my head, so I’ve been practicing that, too.

So, my fellow running club members, as I’m being transported to jail, keep in mind I can’t wave hello. But if our paths cross, it’s nice to see you.

Recently I saw some unusual things when I went running. Less than two blocks from my house, I came across this.

One tree came down on the house, and the other blocked a major arterial. I continued my run and after a couple more blocks, I saw this.

A storm hit Spokane on Nov. 17th with winds that hit 71 mph. Two people were killed by falling trees in separate incidents, and so many fell onto power lines and into power poles, that of the 272,000 households in the two counties in which Spokane and Coeur d’Alene are located, over 200,000 lost power. That’s over 73% of all homes.

A few days after the storm, I was at a Starbucks and Stephanie Moran-Kuest, a fellow running club member came in. Her house was cold and without power, her car had been smashed by a tree, and a news crew was in front of her house. She wasn’t too thrilled with her situation, as you might guess. The car in the below photo isn’t Stephanie’s, but perhaps hers was roughly in the same shape.

Among other running club members that suffered damage, one couple had a single tree that smashed both their cars, and another guy had a pipe burst in his freezing home, leaving a few inches of water in his basement.

I was without power for several days, but I have a wood-burning fireplace insert and was able to stay comfortable, I don’t have any large trees in my yard, so my house was undamaged. However, my neighbor across the alley from me took a hit.

Utility crews worked 16-hour days in sub-freezing temperatures, and by Nov. 27th the last home without power in Spokane had it restored. I thought it was an admirable effort. I’ve never worked a 16-hour day in my life. Nor have I been outside in sub-freezing weather for 16 hours straight.

Some residents face bigger problems that will take longer to resolve. I have sympathy for this homeowner on Spokane’s northside.

Have I been accused of trying to be cool by running with sunglasses? Yes, but instead of admitting it, I said my head swelled during a long period of never taking them off, and I couldn’t get them off.

It’s only in the past few years that I’ve regularly worn sunglasses. I just didn’t think to buy them even though there were occasions I could’ve used a pair.

Now that I wear them regularly, I’ve found that sunglasses and I have extremely short relationships. My longest one lasted almost two years, which is a record by far. Most of them last only a few weeks. My current relationship is the fourth I’ve had this year. I’m not about to hook-up with an attractive, head-turning pair that’ll cost me lots of money. I’d likely walk out of a restaurant, leaving them on the table.

The only problem I have running in sunglasses is the eye pad, the part that rests on the bridge of your nose, sometimes gets slippery when I start perspiring, and they begin to bounce. I find myself adjusting them frequently to prevent it.

As well, when I’m doing a running club run, I’m more likely to leave them behind after the post-run get-together. I lost two pair in quick succession this summer.

However, my newest pair look so good, and I feel so cool running in them, my head really swelled again, and I can’t get them off. Even though this is a little inconvenient when sleeping and showering, the tradeoff is that I’m not losing sunglasses anymore, and I look cool all the time.

I don’t look forward when they go out of style though. I’ve been told that surgery is the only way to have them removed.

I smugly claimed in a past post that I rarely fall down while running, even in icy conditions. But last month, I took a spill and gave myself a bright and colorful scrape.

I was on a trail with Diana Crabtree during a Manito Runners Club run, and as she was telling me about the scar on her knee, suffered in a fall on the trails we were on, I tripped. Quite a coincidence the same experience would suddenly happen as it was being explained to me.

When I got home I poured hydrogen peroxide over my wound. Over the next couple weeks it provided an unexpectedly wonderful experience.

As with previous scrapes, I was tempted to pick. Oddly, I also find giving my picked scabs a thorough look-over is interesting.

I gave in to temptation and picked away. I discovered something great and took things up a notch.

Scab-picking provides entertainment when not much is going on and you’re bored. I really liked peeling off a large, unbroken piece, and having a delicious treat in hand was a super fringe benefit.

As I ate the scabs, I was delighted by the pleasant hints of hydrogen peroxide. I didn’t know an external-use-only medication could impart such wonderful flavor.

The scab has nearly healed, and I’m facing an end to my self-produced tasty snacks. I’m considering falling intentionally on rough terrain. A very large scab would mean a big supply of enjoyable treats.

Perhaps you think it’s strange I eat scabs. I do, too. What I’m really eating is pictured below.

Next time you eat beef jerky, I apologize if this post causes you to associate it with scab-eating.

Last week the Flying Irish did its annual group photo portrait in Riverfront Park. Even though a lot of people were going to be in the photo, I wanted to make myself stand out with a perfect pose in the perfect spot. So, a few days beforehand, I went to the site of the photo shoot and scoped things out.

The Flying Irish group photo site at Riverfront Park.

Since being in the right spot is paramount, I analyzed the scene and divided it into quadrants to evaluate for optimal positioning.

Distance from camera is also a crucial factor. Most people may think being in the front row is the best place. Not necessarily so! I used a tape measure to arrive at the ideal camera-to-subject distance. I found out the best place to stand would be toward the back of the group.

Afterward, I spent a few hours practicing a variety of poses, each conveying one of my many different moods and attributes. Below are the ones that made the final cut. I spent the evening before the shoot evaluating them before making my final choice.

Happy, friendly and jolly – that’s me.

I’m one tough running hombre.

I’m having a great time.

I salute runners everywhere.

Hi! How are you? Let’s play.

I’m a proud soldier of the Flying Irish Army.

Below is the 2015 official Flying Irish group portrait. It turned out great, and I think I look just dandy.

I’m in the middle back. Email this to a movie theatre and have them project it onto the screen to see me.