A few weeks ago, I wrote about the technology upgrades I was making to enhance the user experience for my blog readers in the post, High Tech to Highest Tech. Many offered congratulations. Some were interested in the nuts and bolts of this new wave of technology that I developed. This is what caused things to unravel.

I’m embarrassed and ashamed at my behavior.

I was forced to talk in circles and now, the gig is up. I admit I misled everyone. For instance, I posted a photo of a big-screen smart phone that I developed which would soon be available in stores.

It isn’t a smart phone. It’s my TV, taken off its holder.

I don’t even own a smart phone. The most up-to-date device I have is a desktop with a 10-inch screen that I bought in 1998. Whenever I do something, I have to hit it to make it work.

I wrote how I was starting new social media platforms called Twicker, which is similar to Twitter, and FaceNotes, the preferred alternative to Facebook. And I was installing wireless infrastructure to support these platforms in wind turbines around the country. Well, guess what. It’s not my crew installing equipment in the below photo. I just happened to be driving along Highway 127 near Pomeroy, Washington and stopped to take a picture.

Wind turbine located in the state of Washington, USA.

Wind turbine companies wouldn’t even let me in the back door. I had to build my own towers, which of course, I don’t have the money to do. But I got together enough scrap metal and constructed one on some vacant land at the side of the highway. But I lost the signal after a big windstorm and went out to check on it.

It was so damaged I had no choice but to throw in the towel. So again, I offer my most sincere and heartfelt apology. I promise, I won’t do it again.

I wrote last week that I was going from three posts to two posts a week because, among other obligations, the time commitment was keeping me from the twice-yearly laundering of the bed sheets and the once-a-month dish washing, which seems like the actual schedule lately.

But I decided I’d do an occasional, additional post about something I have in mind that may be interesting or somewhat entertaining, and unlike my normal post, true. Today, I have something in mind.

The writer of SkinnyRunner

The first few weeks of doing this blog, I spent some time reading other blogs. I came across one called SkinnyRunner. If you google running blogs, it’s sure to be right up there because it has a large readership. I read a few posts from time to time and then on May 19th, I was reading through some comments (by the way, SkinnyRunner gets more comments in one day than my blog has got since I started it), and noticed nearly every commenter was female. This gave me an idea.

I left a comment, mentioning that a lot of women visit her site, many of whom are very attractive, and I would like to be eye candy for them. I asked her to post my blog gavatar on her site. My gravatar is the photo of me running in a cape. I also wrote that as proof of my hotness, she should click on the link to “Jim, you are so hot” that I included with my comment.  This is a post I wrote about being at the Bloomsday 12K tradeshow with a garbage bag filled with donut holes and animal cookies I’d scammed from a bakery booth.

A day or two later, I returned to see if there was a reply to my comment. No reply. No comment either. It had been deleted.

I had a very bad feeling afterward. Though I was just playing around, I could see quite plainly how after reading my comment she’d think I was a jerk. I’d failed to consider this, and I worried that it could bring me additional negative consequences. I decided not to leave anymore comments and keep a very low profile.

Well, now I can put my worries to rest. A few days ago, I discovered that my comment has been resurrected. I was totally surprised by this. Apparently, SkinnyRunner has decided that I’m okay.

Anyway, like I said, SkinnyRunner’s readership is largely women, but I still find the site interesting. The writer started running seriously in 2008 and just ran her 50^th marathon, the Rock ‘n’ Roll Seattle Marathon last Saturday in 3:21:18. Before I banned myself from her blog, I read a post where she had just won a marathon in about 3:14. Her PR is 3:11:42. On her site menu she has a heading called Races in which she reviews full and half-marathons she has done to give people an idea of the course and how well the race is managed.

Turning to another topic, I’ve been in a post-Bloomsday running funk, and I’m thinking about going to an acupuncturist. Maybe that’s a future blog post.

I previously wrote about Hans Harzl, an Austrian runner who joined a bunch of aliens for a run. Since writing about this incident, they appear to be emboldened.

Hans Harzl had the misfortune of being spotted by aliens while on  a run.

They apparently want more interactions with humans, especially in Eastern Washington where I live. It seems they like the camaraderie of running with us, even though 9 out of 10 people believe aliens are scary.

I started doing patrols in and around my hometown, focusing on nearby wheat-growing areas because I know how aliens like to do the crop-circle thing.

Patrolling and monitoring the countryside for signs of extraterrestrial visitors.

I came across a site where the wheat was laid down in an obvious attempt at crop circle-making. It was clearly the work of aliens, but this group is far from having the full skill set.

They may be aliens, but that doesn’t mean they’re great at making crop circles.

I noticed blatant soil disturbance. The average alien knows how to cover their tracks, so these guys are obviously just starting out. I collected a soil sample and tested it in my basement laboratory. Voila! Elements not found on earth. They’re here, but being mistake-prone, maybe they’re not so scary after all.

Propellant residue. Elements not of earth. Bottle caps from a brewery unknown on Earth. It all adds up to aliens.

So if a spaceship lands near you and a gaggle of aliens pour out to join you for a run, maybe showing them a cool running route will really impress them.

I previously wrote of a fellow running club member who dressed like and mimicked his idol, Steve Prefontaine, unknowingly channeling Pre’s talent.

Cassandra Mooter stretching before a run

Now, another major talent has risen. Cassandra Mooter stretches and does enigmatic poses before Flying Irish runs. At first a solitary exerciser, she attracted followers and now leads a group of several dozen before each run. I like to watch because faint streaks of light shoot from her, and a halo-like shine outlines her body. Sometimes a colorful, ethereal rainbow forms over her head, causing a quick shower that drenches her. I think it’s funny when that happens.

I resisted joining her group. I just don’t like to stretch. She once touched me and remarked my muscles are as stretchy as steel cables. That’s amazingly spot on. In high school I was so tight, my cross-country teammates called me cableman.

Cassandra tailored a program I can do at home. It’s really opened my chakras, releasing gobs of dynamic energy. Endorphins have eased my tightness. I encourage you to give the wonderful poses below a try.

Cassandra says symbolizing the meshing of the physical with the intellectual in a pose, I can create an optimal balance. My running has become so holistic.

By running in an inverted position, I draw sky energy to compliment ground energy. Don’t have to do a lot of it. Sky is to ground like cream is to coffee.

By invoking the power of the triangle with head chakra vibes and the ancient grain energy of amaranth and quinoa contained in a package of Tru Roots brand pasta, I funnel power into my personal energy grid.

I can’t remember the explanation for this one.

The photo below, which I use for my blog gravatar and a post back in March called Run Like a Superhero, was taken at Franklin Park, which is just a block from my house by Keenan Daniel Walsh, who is a fellow Flying Irish running club member. I asked if he’d take a bunch of photos for me before I started this blog.

Keenan, who is not a photographer, had to take a lot of shots before getting it. I ran back and forth, time and time again and with each pass, he’d shake his head and look all disappointed. When he finally got it, he threw his fist into the air, saying “Got it! This is it!” He wasn’t even trying, but he also got snow-capped Mt. Spokane in the background. I say to Keenan, good job!

This will be the last Wednesday post because I’m falling behind with all the stuff I need to do. I’ve been punctual about posts, but I need to cut one day out. So instead of three posts per week, I’ll be doing two. If you feel with one less post you’re not getting your money’s worth, send a note to my home address. Use refund code C-146, and I’ll compensate you’ll generously. I’ll also include a long, personally written letter of apology.

If you’re reading this, I appreciate it. My site stats record how many people visit each day, and on days that have really low visitation, it bums me out. I get such a kick writing my goofy posts, but if no one read them, I’d soon lose interest.

Those of you who have given me compliments through comments on the blog, Facebook, a phone text or in person, I so much appreciate that. It really makes me feel good. I award you a handful of gold stars.

A few years ago I covered my front yard with a layer of flattened cardboard boxes and newspapers. With several pickup loads of chipped wood that I got free from a tree-thinning project at a nearby state park, I covered them up and said good-by to my lawn.

My front yard before I changed it

On Craigslist I found a woman giving away river rock for free. I dug up a bunch of common indigenous plants, mostly bunch grasses, that wouldn’t need any watering. It took several days of work over 1-2 months, but doing it entirely myself, and for a total cost of $44.10, most of which was for gas for the pickup I borrowed, I turned my lawn into a nature preserve.

My front yard today

The wood chips I got from the state park had lupine and ponderosa pine seeds that eventually sprouted and made my preserve even more beautiful. The lupines have really proliferated which is good because I like their purple flowers. With each passing year, the plants get thicker.

My front yard has led to a great fringe benefit. Instead of driving for miles when I feel like doing a run in the country, I run in my yard.

I’ve created several routes, and I call my favorite Lupine Lane. It’s a figure 8 on one side of my yard. I usually do it when I want to put in six miles, which means 1,084 laps. Sounds like a lot, but they add up fast.

Doing my favorite front yard route – Lupine Lane.

My second favorite route is Country Fields. It follows the property line around my entire front yard. I like to use it for speed workouts.

When I invite friends over for a group run, we do a course I call Whispering Pines. The trail is wide, and we pass right by the front door, making a detour inside for water convenient.

Coming off the corner during a demanding interval workout

Though drought-tolerant native plants are thick, I can still get around on the running paths

I really enjoy my front yard preserve. It saves on my utility bill, it’s low-maintenance, and I think it looks prettier than a lawn. However, one thing it is not is a running course. I don’t really go distance running in my front yard. 🙂

Members of the Manito Runners Club team were involved in a very unfortunate incident

Last weekend I ran in a relay race called the Teen Closet 50. I’ll give readers a few moments to genuflect (genuine reflection) to figure out why teen closet is in the race name.

The 50-mile relay has ten legs that start and end at the large, public high schools in my hometown of Spokane, Washington. A ten-member team is ideal, but teams can have fewer runners.

The Classic Cruizers, first place, masters coed. I’m wearing the white hat

My team, the Classic Cruizers, has finished first every year since the race’s inception three years ago. Our outstanding streak of first-place finishes is easy to understand if you analyze this year’s top finishing teams in our division:

1. Classic Cruizers – 6 hrs. 19 min. 42 sec.
2. (no 2nd place finisher)
3. (no 3rd place finisher)

One of the highlights is the post-race freebies – pizza, ice cream and plenty of swag. The entry fee proceeds funds clothing needs of teen-aged foster children, which you should have figured out after your allotted time for genuflecting.

Despite our first-place masters division finish, I was miffed at the Manito Runners Club team that finished just ahead of us, winning the open coed division. I could have gotten two first-place medals. It gnawed at me until the awards ceremony when I lost it, charged the podium and yelled obscenities and slurs at the Manito team. I got into a scuffle with a couple race officials as they tried to pull me away.

I was told my conduct was a violation of race standards which I thoroughly disagree with, but I agreed to undergo sensitivity training. If there’s any reader who’d like to be a low-cost provider, please let me know by commenting.

As participants headed to their cars, a Manito Runners Club team member asked, “Jim, why did you yell at us? You’re in our club, and we’re friends with you.”

Friendship is neat, but winning medals is better. If someone on the MRC team would just give me the medal I so richly deserve, this riff would be healed.