Running Sock Astrology

I was right suspecting sock styles indicate personality type. I met Taul N. Leene, who heads the Office of Running Psychology at the National Institute of Running Sciences. When I brought up my running sock theory, he gave a knowing nod.

“You are very observant,” Taul said. “We just finished a study, and it’s absolutely true.”

Taul said low-cut anklets that barely rise above the shoe mark you as conventional and dependable. You can’t leave the house without everything in its place, and it’s almost impossible to be late for something. “Your biggest quirk is when you see litter, you get very, very angry.”

Taul explained that people who like medium chimney, which is my favorite sock type, like to dance, are kind, but can be cruel to plants. They enjoy changing the time on clocks. “And…” Taul said, as if he was giving me inside information, “you’d rather have packages delivered to you by a company that uses camels instead of trucks.”

Todd O.

Taul was right. I’d love a camel to pull up in front of my house.

“How ‘bout people who wear over-the-calf tube socks?” I asked. My friend, Todd Oglesbee, pictured at left, loves his knee-highs.

“They’re the life of the party, however, they have issues with the phases of the moon and solar flares. They love all living things except marsupials and segmented worms.

“The most free-sprited group wears no socks. When they take a bath, they have the shower on, too. They laugh and laugh at shapes they see in the clouds, and they send text messages to animals.”

“How can animals be reached by text?” I asked.

“We never got to the bottom of that.” Taul said.

Run Like a Super Hero

When you dress nicely, you feel good about yourself. In addition, would if what you wore caused you to run faster. Both of these can be accomplished by wearing a cape.

Since I started running with a cape, my times have become world-class.

Since I started running with a cape, my times have become world-class.

Numerous studies have shown that wearing a cape is cool. It’s why super heroes do it. Now there are capes for runners. I talked to Nicole Lund, a running store associate with expert knowledge.

“We carry lots of sizes and colors. Some people like a long cape that streams way out, whereas others like a shorter cape that will still ripple while running at an easy pace”

I thought that cape effectiveness would work only for shorter, faster runs. But Nicole said it’s not so.

“I’m a marathoner, and I started wearing a cape last fall. My PR went from 3:52 to 3:18. That’s more than a half hour improvement!”

Nicole explained that the only downside is when you happen upon a situation where there’s trouble. People tend to think you’re a super hero who came to help.

“Has that happened to you? I asked.

“Yes. This winter I came across a minor auto accident, and they wanted me to lift the car to get a trapped person out. They got very angry at me. They thought I was Wonder Woman.”

Zombies vs. Runners

If you’re running alone, especially at night, it’s natural to worry about a zombie attack. They’re always trying to improve their stats, grow their population base, and convert us to their way of living.

zombies
Occasionally I feel vulnerable to a zombie attack, but fortunately runners have a big advantage. We can run. Even though some movies portray them as being fast and agile, they’re not. If you’ve ever taken the time to sit in a cemetery all night long and watch, when zombies come out of the ground (some can’t even do that) they’re permanently stiff and slow. The fastest they can go is a medium walk, and they can hardly bend their legs and arms. Almost anyone can outwrestle a zombie. However, they become a threat by grouping up.

I worry about this as I run because one of their favorite tactics is to hide behind parked cars, or on the other side of the corner you’re about to go around. I always try to keep space between myself and places they could be hiding.

I got a big scare the other day while running through my neighborhood. I was thinking about zombies when I heard footsteps behind me.

I turned around, and it wasn’t a zombie. It was a woman, running through the intersection I’d just gone through. She was tall, dark-haired, wearing a form-fitting dark blue outfit and a white cap. Her ponytail bounced as she ran.

I stared until she passed by. I ran back to the intersection and watched. Her form was so efficient, her thighs so long and beautifully shaped. I couldn’t believe how taken I was. This woman…she was the most beautiful flower in the whole shop.

I looked at my watch. I checked the intersection. It was a Tuesday. I had to write this down as soon as I got home. So much for worrying about zombies.