Yesterday I was reading a bulletin from the National Institute of Running Sciences that was hard to swallow. Research they’d done purports that running backwards can increase leg muscle strength 18% and lower PRs by 11%.

Whenever I’ve had a question about the latest in running research, I called Dr. Ayer O’Beck, a leading researcher at the Institute. When I called about running backward, he explained muscle confusion theory is the basis. By using novel techniques, the body reacts quite positively.

I’ve disputed the Institute’s research results in the past, but this was way too hokey. Running backwards is hard, and it wouldn’t take long for it to lose its novelty. I told Ayer this was the final straw, and they should either change their name to the National Institute of Running Jokes or dissolve the organization.

Dr. O’Beck didn’t appreciate my comment. “You should either apologize or get your ear ready for the slamming of my phone.”

After a moment of silence, Dr. O’Beck added, “I shouldn’t waste my time on an idiot like you, but since I’m a professional, I’ll give you the short explanation; we found running backwards works great, and twice a week is all that’s necessary. If you do other styles occasionally, like running sideways or in a crouch position, it’s even better.”

“Seriously, Doctor, is this really true?”

“You bet it is, and there’s more: people report an improvement in their love life because running backwards keeps the wind from blowing in your face, leaving skin supple and youthful looking. The back of the head adapts, becoming pointy and aerodynamic, which people find very attractive. Backward runners also appreciate seeing where they’ve been and if anyone’s following them.”

I apologized to Dr. O’Beck and told him I’d like to test the technique by starting a group. Is there anyone who’d like to meet up and run backwards for a couple months?