Mega monster safety tips for runners

Several runners have told me they wouldn’t know what to do if they crossed paths with a very large monster like King Kong or Godzilla.

Godzilla attack

(Godzilla – created by Toho Co. Ltd.)

Previously, I’ve written about encounters with personal-sized monsters. These are your draculas, your werewolves, zombies, and so on who are about the same size as us. Mega monsters require a completely different escape strategy.

The first rule is to never wear earphones. Mega monsters enjoy smashing and destroying things. Nearly always you can hear the sounds of destruction well before you come to it. This allows a spur of the moment running route change to avoid an unwelcome distraction.

If you’re so unlucky to have a face-to-face encounter with a mega monster, you still have hope. Your first strategy is to turn and run exceptionally fast. Mega monsters always focus on structures, vehicles and tall things. You are like an ant to a mega monster and squishing you gives it little pleasure.

Crossing paths with a mega monster doesn't necessarily mean certain death.

Crossing paths with a mega monster doesn’t necessarily mean certain death.

To avoid life termination, turn and run

To avoid life termination, turn and run

But sometimes mega monsters get into quite a huff. They’re on a mega-rampage, and they move so fast that out-running them is impossible. What do you do?

Getting stepped on is one of the leading causes of fatalities in human-mega monster encounters. However, since they have such huge feet, the pounds per square inch exerted isn’t that great. By laying next to the curb you create enough space to avoid squishinization even with a direct foot strike. As the mega monster rampages on, you’re safe and sound in his wake and able to continue with your run.

Godzilla protectIt’s easy to get angry at mega monsters for all the death and destruction they cause. However, please remember they are living, breathing creatures just like us with hopes, desires and feelings. We can always rebuild our cities. We can learn to forgive the fatalities they cause. If we work to accept the meggies just as they are, perhaps one day we’ll be friends.

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