Oh no, I’m Becoming a Woman

white legsThe transformation was gradual and slow, so that I wouldn’t notice. But as I genuflected last night, (That’s a word we used in education when I was a teacher.) I realized I have become 50, maybe 55% female.

Those really white legs shielded from sun since last year, which are now causing eye damage, were out in profusion last night at my running club’s 4.4-miler. A couple guys let me snap a photo of their legs, but their case is pretty mild compared to others. But it was white legs that got me realizing I’ve become part female.

bathroom closetBesides sucking the color out of skin, winter sucks the moisture too. I used to never hydrate my skin, but now after showering, I do my legs, face and elbows without fail, in winter and summer. When I was married, I gently chided my wife about all the bottles of creams and lotions she had. Now I’m the one with a cupboard full of stuff.

My hair used to be so oily, I could wring it over a pan and use the oil for frying. It actually imparted a delicious, baby’s-hair scent to my food. Now my hair’s so dry, I have to use conditioner. Then I use other grease stuff afterwards to make it look better. I spend so much time in the bathroom that by definition, I’ve become a woman.

At least I long ago gave up one thing that even the vast majority of guys used back in the day – the blow-dryer.

4 thoughts on “Oh no, I’m Becoming a Woman

  1. Jim, I believe that we can agree that you have proven the hypothesis of your metamorphic state. Given the evidence however, I am not sure that we can agree upon the final state of your transmutation.

    I will now refer you to the case study of Peter. Peter was an otherwise normal gentleman who had an uncanny eye for fashion and feminine moisturization products. As the years past and his dependence on feminine moisturizers grew, he began to remove more and more of his clothes claiming that they itched and cut down on the milky white moisturization of his skin.

    The final state of Peter, as you will undoubtedly recall from Halloween of last year, was a silky smooth half crazed man-beast with nothing more than a small plate or “Pan” over his unmentionables. While no one denies the softness of Peter’s skin, none present desired to see this horrible spectacle. The path to feminine moisturizers is a dark path. Seek help immediately. Preferably in the form of extremely abrasive sandpaper.

  2. Oh how the body changes the older we get. I dont think I would worry too much, this coming from a woman. Now if you start perming your hair or something then you may have a problem 🙂

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