When Gangs Go After Runners

More and more, street gangs are preying on runners because they’ve decimated their traditional targets, door-to-door salesmen and proselytizers.

A proven, neighborhood street fighting technique is the attack wedge. By arranging in a V-shaped formation, the group can easily brush aside an advancing gang. The flanks also protect against attacks from the sides. The only apparent weakness with this strategy are assaults from the rear. However – knock, knock! – runners are fast! Gang members can’t begin to approach from the rear. With their baggy pants halfway down their legs, they don’t have a chance.

The daunting Attack Wedge repels gangs in the toughest neighborhoods.

The daunting attack wedge repels gangs in the toughest neighborhoods.

Effective as the attack wedge is, having a scowl or tough-guy expression is very important. I tried to get wedge members to erase their smiles and take this photo shoot seriously because it’s a serious matter, but all they wanted to do was play around.

Wayne, the leader in red, kept urging everyone to follow him because he was the magical Pied Piper. Whatever. Stephanie, wearing the hat and the only runner out of position told me she knows more about attack wedges than me and wasn’t moving. Veronica, dressed in black, wearing headphones, wouldn’t stop playing her music and couldn’t hear directions. When she finally took them off, the music was blasting and everyone started dancing. It took me twenty minutes to get them to stop and get back in formation.

Jill, to the right of Wayne and wearing the white top, is a teacher and kept giving everyone a gold star for the awesome job they were doing. But no one was doing an awesome job. No one at all! Oh, I was so very extremely intensely angry. I had to go for a long drive afterward. I was still in a rage by evening time and had to make an after-hours appointment with my anger management counselor.

2 thoughts on “When Gangs Go After Runners

    • It was field tested in gang-infested neighborhoods and thwarted assaults in 96.5% of of all cases. For more information, Javier, go to Thewedgestrategyreallyworksgreat.com.

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