Running Sock Astrology

For many years I’ve suspected that personality types can be identified by sock styles. An old pal, Taul N. Leene, who heads the Office of Running Psychology at the National Institute of Running Sciences, passed through recently, and I met up with him. When I brought up my running sock theory, he got all excited.

“You are very observant,” Taul said. “We just finished a study, and it’s absolutely true.”

Taul said if you wear low-cut anklets that barely rise above the shoe, you are very conventional and dependable. You like people and animals, but most of all, butterflies. However, if the TV breaks down, you get very, very angry.

My favorite sock style is medium chimney. Taul pointed at me and said, “Oh, I know something about you that you never realized. Medium chimney people like to dance. Generally they’re kind, but they can be cruel to leafy plants. They enjoy changing the time on clocks. And…here’s what’ll surprise you – you’d rather have packages delivered to you by a company that uses camels instead of trucks.”

Todd O.

I thought about it a moment. I realized Taul was right. I’d love a camel to pull up in front of my house.

“How ‘bout people who wear over-the-calf tube socks?” I asked. My friend, Todd Oglesbee, pictured at left, loves his knee-highs.

“They’re the life of the party, however, they have issues with the phases of the moon and solar flares. They love all living things except marsupials and segmented worms.

“The most free-sprited group is the one that wears no socks. When they take a bath, they have the shower on, too. They laugh and laugh at shapes they see in the clouds, and they send text messages to animals.”

“Animals can be reached by phone?” I asked.

“We never got to the bottom of that.” Taul said.

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