Handcuffs for me?

Runners using supplements containing DNA of horses was a topic I covered more than two years ago in Genetically Modified Runners.horse

Shortly after writing it, I became intrigued about finding a way to mask the drug’s presence in the body.

I’m an over-the-hill runner doing a small-time, non-income producing blog with no prospects of hitting it big in the world of running. If I could find a way to make it undetectable, I’d have a one-of-a-kind supplement so effective that demand would be off the charts, and I could make lots of money.

Long story short, using chemistry I learned in college, and with the assistance of an accomplished research chemist, I struck gold.

It didn’t take long for runners to start showing up at my door. At first it was top area runners and then national stars came calling. Within weeks, Olympic hopefuls from around the world were booking flights to Spokane, Washington. I became a very, very busy “running consultant”.

It was heady, heady times for me. Rubbing shoulders with the world’s running elites, invitations to overseas meets to watch races from the VIP room, shaking hands with Olympic champions past and present. I was a MAJOR somebody!

I had the world in my hand, but I wanted more. A European runner training for the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, who’d made several large purchases, asked if I’d consider giving him a volume discount.

I flew into a rage. I screamed he’d be a nobody without my supplement. I told him his price just doubled, and I meant it.

It was a big mistake. My shouting was overheard, and within a few weeks the runner was questioned by his country’s track and field governing body. He spilled the beans – all of them.

Word spread, and my business has dried up. I’ve been called in for questioning, and despite my denials of wrongdoing, I’ve been told stonewalling will only delay the inevitable.

Yesterday, I found out my freedom may be short-lived. A grand jury investigation is nearly done, and an indictment is at hand. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m going to be spending a lot of time in a very tiny room with a concrete floor.

I’ve never been arrested, and when they come for me, I don’t want to come across as a klutzy oaf. I know it seems silly, but it’ll likely be a news event with photographers and reporters, and I want to look good.

I’ve been practicing putting my hands behind my back. My first tries felt so awkward. I knew I wasn’t doing it right.Being cuffed1

After a lot of practice, I think I finally have it down.Being cuffed2

When they put me into the car, I don’t want to hit my head, so I’ve been practicing that, too.Getting in police car

So, my fellow running club members, if you happen to see me as I’m being transported to jail, keep in mind I can’t wave hello. But if it happens, it’s nice to see you.In the police car