Twice-a-year laundering

There’s a Seinfeld episode in which George ponders buying enough clothes so he’ll always have a clean outfit, yet do laundry only once a year. Using this as inspiration, I’m developing a system to achieve the more modest goal of twice-a-year laundering which I believe will be award-winning.

You’ll save lots of time and money, and if you air-dry you’ll shave even more dollars off your utility bill. For years I’ve been stringing a line between the metal posts of my patio for hanging laundry.clothes dryingRunning clothes, which are a very needy segment of the laundry population, deserve special attention.

Though running on a hot day can leave a T-shirt soaked with sweat, I’ve found it can be worn a few times before starting to smell. However, since I often run alone, I can continue wearing the same odoriferous shirt without offending anyone. Most longtime runners, after years of entering races, have enough shirts to easily go six months without washing.

Here are important strategies to follow if you want to be a laundry superstar:

  • Don’t wear a coat when it rains. Getting your clothes soaked is just like washing them.
  • If an item starts to really smell, store it overnight in an empty pizza box. Your clothing will smell like pizza, and who doesn’t like the smell of pizza?
  • When showering or taking a bath, you can clean soiled underwear or socks just by using them as a wash cloth.
  • On rainy days, get your clothes washed by laying them out in the yard. Phosphorous, an important ingredient in detergent, is a common air pollutant. Combined with rain, it gives your clothes an effective acid wash.
  • On warm summer days, choose the no-clothing option. Your friends’ shock will change to admiration when you explain that you’re conserving our planet’s precious resources.

2 thoughts on “Twice-a-year laundering

  1. I remember a story when I was very young, The Emperors New Clothes. Only royalty could see his new clothes. I had a similar dream about this recently. I have a new wardrobe that never needs washing! In fact you can wear my new clothes in the shower and never need to iron anything.

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