Will you please pardon me?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the technology upgrades I was making to enhance the user experience for my blog readers in the post, High Tech to Highest Tech. Many people offered congratulations. Some were interested in the nuts and bolts of this new wave of technology that I developed and asked questions. This is what caused things to unravel.

I'm embarrassed and ashamed at my behavior.

I’m embarrassed and ashamed at my behavior.

I was forced to talk in circles, and these knowledgeable few had suspicions. Ultimately I couldn’t maintain the deception. The gig is up and I admit I misled everyone. For instance, I posted a photo of a big-screen mobile tablet that I developed which would soon be available in stores.

tabletIt isn’t a tablet. It’s my TV taken off its holder and held just so to look like a tablet.

Jim's TVI don’t even own a tablet. The latest device I have is a desktop with a 10-inch screen that I bought in 1998. Whenever I try to open a window, I have to hit it to make it follow through.

Jim's computerI wrote how I was starting new social media platforms called Twicker, that was similar to Twitter, and Face Notes, which would be the preferred alternative to Facebook. And I was installing wireless infrastructure to support these platforms in wind turbines around the country. Well, guess what. It’s not my crew installing equipment in the below photo. I just happened to be driving along Highway 127 near Pomeroy, Washington and stopped to take a picture.

Wind turbine located in the state of Washington, USA.

Wind turbine located in the state of Washington, USA.

Wind turbine companies wouldn’t even let me in the back door, so I had to build my own towers, which of course, I don’t have the money to do. But I got together enough scrap metal and constructed one myself on some vacant land at the side of the highway. But I lost the signal one day after a big windstorm, and I went out to check on it.

Jim' cell towerIt was so damaged I had no choice but to throw in the towel. So, again, I offer my most sincere and heartfelt apology. I promise, I won’t do it again.

 

 

Someday I’ll grow up

I wrote last week that I was going from three posts to two posts a week because, among other obligations, the time commitment was keeping me from the twice-yearly laundering of the bed sheets and the once-a-month dish washing, which seems like the actual schedule lately.

But I decided I’d do an occasional, additional post about something I have in mind that may be interesting or somewhat entertaining, and unlike my normal post, true. Today, I have something in mind.

The writer of SkinnyRunner

The writer of SkinnyRunner

The first few weeks of doing this blog, I spent some time reading other blogs. I came across one called SkinnyRunner. If you google running blogs, it’s sure to be right up there because it has a large readership. I read a few posts from time to time and then on May 19th, I was reading through some comments (by the way, SkinnyRunner gets more comments in one day than my blog has got since I started it), and noticed nearly every commenter was female. This gave me an idea.

I left a comment, mentioning that a lot of women visit her site, many of whom are very attractive, and I would like to be eye candy for them. I asked her to post my blog gavatar on her site. My gravatar is the photo of me running in a cape. I also wrote that as proof of my hotness, she should click on the link to “Jim, you are so hot” that I included with my comment.  This is a post I wrote about being at the Bloomsday 12K tradeshow with a garbage bag filled with donut holes and animal cookies I’d scammed from a bakery booth.

A day or two later, I returned to see if there was a reply to my comment. No reply. No comment either. It had been deleted.

I had a very bad feeling afterward. Though I was just playing around, I could see quite plainly how after reading my comment she’d think I was a jerk. I’d failed to consider this, and I worried that it could bring me additional negative consequences. I decided not to leave anymore comments and keep a very low profile.

Well, now I can put my worries to rest. A few days ago, I discovered that my comment has been resurrected. I was totally surprised by this. Apparently, SkinnyRunner has decided that I’m okay.

Anyway, like I said, SkinnyRunner’s readership is largely women, but I still find the site interesting. The writer started running seriously in 2008 and just ran her 50th marathon, the Rock ‘n’ Roll Seattle Marathon last Saturday in 3:21:18. Before I banned myself from her blog, I read a post where she had just won a marathon in about 3:14. Her PR is 3:11:42. On her site menu she has a heading called Races in which she reviews full and half-marathons she has done to give people an idea of the course and how well the race is managed.

Turning to another topic, I’ve been in a post-Bloomsday running funk, and I’m thinking about going to an acupuncturist. Maybe that’s a future blog post.

 

Extraterrestrials lurking

Back in April, I wrote about Hans Harzl, an Austrian runner who got a jolt when a bunch of aliens joined him for a run. Since I uncovered these aliens’ activities, they appear to have been emboldened.

Hans Harzl had the misfortune of going for a run at the same time aliens wanted to do an up-tempo workout

Hans Harzl had the misfortune of being spotted by aliens while on  a run.

Because I stirred the pot, so to speak, by writing about them, it seems they want more interactions with humans, especially where I live – Eastern Washington. Apparently they like the camaraderie of running with humans, even though 9 out of 10 people believe that aliens are scary.

So I started doing patrols in and around my hometown. I especially focused on nearby wheat-growing areas because I know how aliens like to do the crop-circle thing.

Looking for evidence of extraterrestial visitors

Patrolling and monitoring the countryside for signs of extraterrestrial visitors.

Eventually I came across a very suspicious site. The wheat was layed down in an obvious attempt at a crop circle-making. It was clear that it was the work of aliens, however, this group is far from having the full skill set.

They may be aliens, but that doesn't mean they're great at making crop circles

They may be aliens, but that doesn’t mean they’re great at making crop circles.

I noticed obvious soil disturbance. The average alien visitors know how to cover their tracks, but these guys really need to be clued in. I collected a soil sample and tested it in my basement laboratory. Voila! Elements not found on earth that are common to other known alien landing spots. They’re here, but after seeing these signs of carelessness, maybe they’re not so scary after all.

Fragments of propellant. Elements not of earth. Beer bottles from a brewery in another galaxy. Aliens.

Fragments of propellant. Elements not of earth. Beer bottle caps from a brewery unknown on Earth. It all adds up to aliens.

So, if you find a spaceship landing near you and a gaggle of aliens pouring out to join you for a run, maybe showing them a cool running route will really impress them.

 

Exercise maven spins glitter and sparks

I previously wrote of a fellow running club member who dressed like and mimicked his idol, Steve Prefontaine, which caused him to unknowingly channel Pre’s talent and race to PR’s that matched his.

Cassandra Mooter stretching before a run

Cassandra Mooter stretching before a run

Now, another major talent has risen. Cassandra Mooter stretches and does enigmatic poses before our group’s runs. At first she was a solitary exerciser, but soon she attracted followers and now leads a group of several dozen before each run. I like to watch because faint streaks of light shoot from her, and a halo-like shine outlines her body. Often, a colorful, ethereal rainbow forms over her head which occasionally causes a quick shower that drenches her. I think it’s funny when that happens.

Yet I resisted joining her group. I just don’t like to stretch, even though she once touched me and remarked that my muscles are about as stretchy as steel cables. She is so amazingly spot on because in high school I was so tight that my cross-country teammates called me cableman.

Eventually, Cassandra tailored a program I can do at home that has really opened up my chakras, releasing gobs of dynamic energy that make me eager to run, causes the endorphins to really kick in, and eases my tightness. I encourage you to try the wonderful poses below. Let me know how they work for you.

Cassandra says by symbolizing the meshing of the physical with the intelluctual, I can create an optimal balance. My running has since become so holistic.

Cassandra says by symbolizing the meshing of the physical with the intellectual in a pose, I can create an optimal balance. My running has since become so holistic.

By running in an inverted position, I can draw sky energy to compliment my ground energy. Don't have to do a lot of it. Sky is to ground like cream is to coffee.

By running in an inverted position, I can draw sky energy to compliment my ground energy. Don’t have to do a lot of it. Sky is to ground like cream is to coffee.

 

The power of ancient grains that fed past great civilizations still exists. By invoking the power of the triangle with a blend of head chakra vibes and grain energy, I can funnel this power into my personal energy grid. For grain energy, I like to use Tru Roots pasta made from quinoa, amaranth, and brown rice.

The power of ancient grains that fed past great civilizations still exists. By invoking the power of the triangle with a blend of head chakra vibes and grain energy placed atop the head, I can funnel this power into my personal energy grid. For grain energy, I like to use Tru Roots pasta made from quinoa, amaranth, and brown rice.

I can't remember the explanation for this one.

I can’t remember the explanation for this one.

 

My output is decreasing 33%

The photo below, which I use for my blog gravatar and a post back in March called Run Like a Superhero, was taken at Franklin Park, which is just a block from my house by Keenan Daniel Walsh, who is a fellow Flying Irish running club member. I asked if he’d take a bunch of photos for me before I started this blog.

SONY DSCKeenan, who is not a photographer, had to take a lot of shots before getting it. I ran back and forth, time and time again and with each pass, he’d shake his head and look all disappointed. When he finally got it, he threw his fist into the air, saying “Got it! This is it!” He wasn’t even trying, but he also got snow-capped Mt. Spokane in the background. I say to Keenan, good job!

This will be the last Wednesday post because I’m falling behind with all the stuff I need to do. I’ve been punctual about posts, but I need to cut one day out. So instead of three posts per week, I’ll be doing two. If you feel with one less post you’re not getting your money’s worth, send a note to my home address. Use refund code C-146, and I’ll compensate you’ll generously. I’ll also include a long, personally written letter of apology.

If you’re reading this, I appreciate it. My site stats record how many people visit each day, and on days that have really low visitation, it bums me out. I get such a kick writing my goofy posts, but if no one read them, I’d soon lose interest.

Those of you who have given me compliments through comments on the blog, Facebook, a phone text or in person, I so much appreciate that. It really makes me feel good. I award you a handful of gold stars.

I must stop running

I received a phone call two days ago. Because of it, I’m giving up running.

The person who called is a lawyer and a basketball fan. We played together on my high school basketball team. He fondly remembers our senior year when our team made it to the state tournament and placed 5th. He has long felt cheated because these days 9th graders attend high school and can play varsity basketball. When we were in school, 9th graders were at the junior high, and there was no possibility of playing on the high school team. He thinks we should have another year of eligibility.

The 1975 Rogers HS team finished in 5th place at the state tournament. I am #21

The 1975 Rogers HS team finished in 5th place at the state tournament. I am #21

Then something amazing happened. After a long period of analyzing the Washington Interscholastic Athletic Association bylaws, lengthy discussions with school officials, and a threat of legal action, my friend just got an additional year of eligibility for our original high school basketball team.

I found an old pair of shoes to use. They've been sitting in my closet for at least 20 years.

I found an old pair of shoes to use. They’ve been sitting in my closet for at least 20 years.

We won’t be bumping the current Rogers High School team off the schedule. A special one-year adjustment has been made to the league. There’ll be 2 Rogers teams: Rogers HS and Rogers HS Senior Elite.

I didn’t really want to play high school basketball again, but when my friend said I’d be the only one from the team not participating, I joined up. Now I’m starting to get excited even though it means giving up running because of our rigorous workouts. Our team is going to practice six days a week starting June 24th. Even though area high schools don’t start practices until November, we’ve been allowed to start early. This is necessary because none of us have played organized basketball for a long time, and some of the guys are way overweight.

Wait, what's this? A mouse nest? 1,2,3...7 babies. Wow.

Hey! A mouse nest. 

Our goal, of course, is to win the state championship. With the talent and dedication that my teammates have, I think it’s doable. Already, one sportswriter has said that if we get into shape, our team will be favorites to win league.

Another neat thing about all this – the entire cheerleading squad from high school has decided to buy uniforms, whip themselves into shape, and cheer us every game.

Group Needs Treatment

When you catch sight of behavior in public that is the obvious result of a deep-rooted psychosis or a profound psychological disorder, it can be very disturbing. When this occurs within an entire group of people, all at once, it’s especially unsettling.

prancer1Yesterday evening, a very large group of runners, numbering over 400, moved through a public park in a running style that was awkward and unconventional. They appeared to be trying to run, but there was an extreme lack of coordination. Random twitches and spasms were happening. The group seemed to have lost their grip of reality, and their chances of re-gripping did not look good.

prancer2In response, many witnesses called 911, and a nearby lot soon filled with emergency vehicles. However, because the group was running and seemed particularly good at it, needed help was not able to catch up with them.

ambulanceThe next day, a report of the incident and a few photos were submitted to a psychologist, Dr. William Smithpeters, for evaluation. His assessment was grim.

“It’s rare to see this level of psychological instability. For it to infect an entire group at once is almost unheard of. This group needs to get into treatment immediately.”

Though the logistics of treating over 400 people would seem daunting, Dr. Smithpeters considers it a secondary concern.

“If treatment doesn’t start right away, this group is going off the deep end. They can stack themselves to the ceiling, or if I remove every piece of furniture, they can pack themselves in my office like sardines. Whatever it takes, they need to come in right away.”

However, turns out the unbalanced runners were members of the Flying Irish Running Club. They were prancercising in an attempt to set a world record for largest prancercise group. Their attempt, which resulted in a world record, can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opFZvHwYTPA.  The original prancerciser, and her video, can be seen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-50GjySwew.